Last night I watched one of my favorite movies, Asako I & II..

Last night I watched one of my favorite movies, Asako I & II. It’s a beautifully shot movie with very careful and moving sound design work. It’s a little melancholic, which suits the times. A dear friend reached out to me the other night, telling me he was incredibly stressed as his company was under a great deal of pressure. He said that he felt unusually tired; they’ve dealt with crisis before. I reminded him that we are currently living through a tragedy, where many people are dying and many of us feel powerless to do anything about it. Recovering from trauma varies often by the aftermath; if it is an acute trauma, like a car crash, terrifying but over quickly, you can recover if you are able to express your feelings and get them out of your system relatively quickly. PTSD begins to develop after chronic trauma or if you are unable to release your feelings of tension after an acute traumatic episode. What we are experiencing now is chronic trauma. Mounting death tolls, our friends and family falling ill. For many of us, the loss of our jobs or financial stability. Even small things, like needing to wear a mask outside, the extra tough scrubbing we give our hands before eating, or the hesitation when you long to be close to someone and realize it would be dangerous. Many of the things people would usually do to self soothe and release the pain are cut off as well. Houses of worship are closed, as are the large warehouses where people go and dance. While they may seem different, they are both places of community, music, and mutual care. While we are attempting to replace those with digital community spaces, I think for most people, it is clear that the presence and touch of others is soothing in a way that can’t merely be replicated by a phone or computer. Asako I & II doesn’t show any trauma directly. While it touches on the tsunami that hurt Japan in 2011, it focuses more on the small wounds and kindnesses we give to those around us. It reminds me of the “porcupines dilemma” mentioned in Evangelion: when we are close enough to care for another, we are close enough to hurt as well. What I like about Asako I & II is that no one does anything particularly awful to each other. People say hurtful words and act in ways that cause pain. But when they realize they’ve made a mistake, they apologize and they vow to make up for it. They understand the pain they’ve caused, even though it wasn’t their intent. There is so much care in the film, as well. There are many scenes that show people expressing their love for each other through food. Some of the shots that stood out the most to me were people cooking together or separately in the kitchen, or someone pouring out food for their cat. When someone runs away in sadness or fear, those who care about them call after them. Even when someone disapproves of a characters actions and tell them so, they still take care of them. It is a story about a love triangle. I won’t reveal too much, but two of the love interests are actually played by the same actor. Being physically identical, what makes them different from each other? How do you choose the person you want to be with in the end? At the end of the movie, a character remarks that they had been unable to see that the two people were actually distinct. It becomes clear that things they had valued while they were younger were no longer as important. The movie ends on a shot of two characters looking out into a muddy river. “It’s filthy,” one of them says. “But somehow I find it beautiful,” the other replies. That is life and relationships: mistakes, pain, hurt, love and care. An awful chaotic mess. The beauty comes from accepting that the pain that comes from love is always worth it. Every time.